the glory departed

Jealousy

2010-02-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

dark and deep
he lays asleep
dormant and weak
I haven’t noticed him speak.

invincible
sublime
a fiery river of emotion
extending
bridging
growing in motion of time.

he burned my heart
in the furnace of crime
sending essence of
corruption
that clouds my mind.

thus,

I cry
a battle cry song
that burned us
Both of us.
leaving smokes
of regrets
of pain.

I fall.

I lose.

alone.

The Curious Case of Lady Josephine

2010-02-02T17:29:00.002+08:00

Journal Entry # 45
January 23, 2010
11:45 PM

Staring blankly at the ceiling, I was brought to some place familiar. We were seated face to face enjoying the cheeseburger meal we ordered. It was one of those nights when I feel good just to have you around. You love talking while I enjoyed listening. It’s like you’re a piece of entertainment I couldn’t miss even though I’ve seen it many times.

“What???, How many times did I tell you not to look at me like that?” you would asked me when I fixed my sight on you.”Am I ugly? Something wrong?” you would continue. I just said nothing. I’m afraid my vocabulary is not wide enough to describe the beauty in front of me – not to mention your grammar-sensitive ears.

I don’t know who you are – figuratively speaking. It’s like you are enclosed in a halo or a Venus energy that every man is drawn to you. And like Venus, you trash them away – most of them – never even bothered to put to recyclable cans. The way you talk, move, sway, gesture – everything is in sequence and in tune with each other that over all it’s like an orchestra of music pleasing to the eyes and ears. Yet, you are like a baby, constantly in need of care, attention and love.

When you’re mad, you scare the hell out of everyone else. Like it would be the last day of whoever touches you. And I am afraid to feel Venus’ wrath because I am afraid to lose you. You enslave me like you enslaved every man. I’ve seen your Medusa yet I keep coming back for Venus overshadows the dark side. You have left me once and I’m afraid it would happen again. I know how it feels, its draw back on me. Your like a demigod feeding me with ambrosia I couldn’t have with any one else.

Am I spell bounded? No matter how I try to write the ugly you it turns out to be a beauty. Maybe. Walking with you in the dark of the night I do not fear. I would laugh at how I would hide from people just to have you alone. My thirst is quenched just to hear you speak and know that you are okay. Your daily rants and musings amuses me. You’re like a piece of puzzle I would love to solve everyday. Nothing but more of you and less of me.

I fear the coming days. When you will be gone, forever. Like fairies and fairyland dies when every child give up believing. I fear that I might not be able to solve puzzles again. I fear I won’t hear the elating sound of the orchestra anymore. I fear that I would never taste ambrosia again, bitter as it may seem. I fear that I would not be able to solve the mystery of you – forever. I fear. I fear.

– Mike

Ode to You

2010-01-31T23:40:00.002+08:00

You made a poet out of me
Scribbled notes about you I see
I made sure that each line rhymes
To follow the beat of this heart of mine

I would lay down a great canvass
The painter I am is unleashed at last
These thousand words would burst to life
A picture with you and what I’d be like

You are the music of my lyrics
The melody of my written words
There may be silence, or maybe codas
But I will put bridges and repeat chorus

I would sculpt you in finest marbles
And parade you in clearest crystals
Because I want the world to see
How much you mean to me

I may have all there is in art
But this now I have to start
Will a song with me you’ll sing
If I strum the guitar strings?

All is a Lie

2010-01-31T23:14:00.002+08:00

Can you read my thoughts?
I don’t know
I’m afraid
Afraid that I might fail
To meet you somewhere I don’t know
My mind can’t conceive
I’m trying to believe
That you just love freedom
But you loved freedom
Too much
Too much, that you wanted freedom
When all I wanted was you.

Can you read my thoughts?
No.
You can’t.
Coz when I’m here waiting
You are there somewhere
Seeking
Flirting
Leaving.

My heart screams
My mind dreams
But they were never answered
And will never be.

I said: “I love you”
I never lied.

You said: “I love you”
But you never tried.

Empty

2010-01-28T23:48:00.001+08:00

they come

they tease

they promise

they please

such a joy to the heart

that bleeds

a tempting meal to the one in need

’til I gave in to their promises

empty as it has been

like paper tigers

they offer no fear

I fall

I crawl

I drip

I weep

and the next cistern of promises

broken

empty

I keep.

Tyranny

2010-01-28T10:39:00.003+08:00

I know how your skin feels like
the valleys and contours so treacherous
a bite won’t hurt, but can I ask for more?
For too much you would poison me

You hear the sound of my pleading
as your grip tightens on my soft skin
the moans of suffering that chokes
the life out of this helpless soul

I taste the sweetness of your cherry lips
only after my skin reddened from your beating
only when I feel no more
under the chains that only you commands

you’ll see me creeping, beg for more
not of your whipping but of mercy
as shadows leave the darkened hall
I lie dripping on the floor.

Remembering the 90s: Values on Screen

2010-01-21T13:34:00.006+08:00

Taking advantage of my nostalgic mood, I resume my journey down memory lane. Do you still remember the movies and television shows you watched? I do. I was studying in a public high school then back in Cainta, Rizal and my class is only half day. Starts at 6:00 am and ends at 12:40pm. I usually am in a hurry after class to either go to the gym and practice volleyball, go to a nearby computer station and play X-Men or Tekken - back then its graphics weren’t as refined as the latest version - or to go home and watch my favorite shows.
I remember back in high school after our final exam we went to Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall and stand by at the entrance waiting for the mall to open. It was an hour of waiting just to be the first in line to watch “Titanic”. Entrance to the cinema then was 70 pesos when it would be 25 pesos here in Bacolod for movies like that.The 90s were also the height of Mexican/Spanish telenovelas. I would catch up “Lazos de Amor” when I arrive home - Thalia wasn’t famous then and her telenovela at RPN 9 was “Quincenera” together with Lucero, the star of Lazos de Amor. It was only later when everybody got crazy over “Marimar” that the producer invited her to have a concert in Manila. At 4:30 in the afternoon my friends and I were already in front of the TV set watching Claudine Barreto, Christine Hermosa, Paolo Contis and the rest of the young stars right now crack their jokes at “4:30 na! And TV na!” show. This was replaced later by the Filipino version of “Dawson’s Creek”, Tabing Ilog. I would go home early in the evening to watch “Superman” where Dean Cane and Teri Tatcher were the stars then, “Tales from the Crypt” and “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”. The week wouldn’t be complete if I fail to watch “Bubble Gang”. Back then the show was wholesome. I would laugh my heart out at the MTV (music tagalog version) or MEV (music english version) of the current chart hits and the funny side of the latest commercials or watch Rica Peralejo and the gang in T.G.I.F. (Thank God it’s Friday).Who can forget the Baywatch? Everybody drools at the lifeguard’s Pamela Anderson, David Hasslehoff and the rest of the cast parading in bikini and trunks at the beach. Or maybe laugh with F.R.I.E.N.D.S., joined Calixta Flockhart in her cases as Ally McBeal, share sentiments with the college life of the people of Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 or be shocked by the cases in the X-files. I will not forget the Power Rangers when I would shout “It’s morphin time! Blue 3! Sabertooth Tiger! (haha) or Mask Rider Black, Dragonball Z, Bioman and Ultraman - watching them now would make me laugh at how “bahul” the graphics are but back then it was so awesome!
These were great shows that taught me some good values. Right now, movies and tv shows are filled with great graphics and special effects of less value while anime and manga and on-line games corrupted the minds of the young. These shows how society degenerated from the 90s to present. I guess there can never be any decade better than the 90s! I’m proud I’m a 90s child! Haha.

Remembering the 90s: Soul of the Music

2010-01-20T15:40:00.003+08:00

I was born in the decade of the dawn of electronic pop music and colorful leggings and headbands as if you are going into an aerobic class. I still had them playing in my mind: Brother Louie, Karma Chameleon, Rick Ashley, Cher, Roxette to name a few of the songs and artists. But the 90s bring so much memories especially with my friends and “barkadas” whenever I hear the songs being played on the radio or its new version are sang by my students.

The 90s gave fame to boy bands – duo, or group. We used to play their music when we have school programs and even memorize their dance moves. Code Red, LFO, Boyzone, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Savage Garden, Hanson, Moffats, 911 and a lot more. Not to forget the rock bands: No Doubt, Oasis, Nickleback, Blur, Nirvana, Radiohead, Pulp, Coldplay, U2, Foo Fighters, Bone Thugs, Black Sabbath and Metallica on the extreme. Add up the feud between the HipHop wearing baggy pants and loose shirts against the Punk’s skinny pants and shirts in black. The late 90s also gave rise to “girl power” popularized by the SPICE Girls with Solid Harmonie, Bewitched and Destiny’s Child along. Thus, triggered the search for equality with men of the female species. Alternative artist also savored the eminence of the decade like The Corrs, Meridith Brooks and who can forget Alanis Morissette!

But what gives me the melancholy and melodramatic feelings are the, as I may say, timeless or classic songs of Eraserheads, Rivermaya, Parokya Ni Edgar and Introvoys. Everytime I hear their song brings me back to my high school years when being young and feeling “I already know everything” gives me so much freedom. Me and my “barkada” used to stay under a mango tree late in the afternoon with a bottle of Tanduay, strumming the guitar to the tune of Harana, Awit ng Barkada, Para Sa Masa, Toyang, Elesi and more. Life is fun and easy then. There’s nothing to worry about except if we can ever go to college and find a decent job in the future. This was the decade when our dreams and ambitions are weave and intertwined with the nationalistic and youthful cry of these local bands.

Now, as I remember this decade in my life, I can only smile. The 90s gave me so much memories to cherish even if the dreams and ambitions we woven aren’t what they are now. There is so much that because of its volume I am overwhelmed to put into writing.

I only wish I could go back in time, even just for a day. Siting under the mango tree, drinking my shot of Tanduay, singing the songs with my “barkada” as they strum the guitar strings…

Chaos

2010-01-19T15:58:00.002+08:00

breathe in the last gasp of life
savour its inequities
break Narcisso’s mirrors
give in to your lustful eyes

cease the monotony
of masses in chorus cry
like wading ebb of people
dancing in their own demise

walk in fashion of a cat
silently they would pry
or like an Egyptian
and give in to their desire

roll over the scarlet carpet
of adultery and egotism
ride the tide of screaming crowds
that makes the evil proud

of serpent’s eye they watch
and slither in there own poison
they strike their own venom
and petrifies your opinion

nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
only one thing to decide
in immunity you will survive
or breathe in the last gasp of life.

The Gentile, The Jews and The Pharisees

2010-01-11T23:57:00.002+08:00

It saddens me to know that the people whom you trust will be there for you in situations you know they would understand and be able to lift you up.. are the ones pulling you down instead.

It is even sadder to know that people of different faith and beliefs are the ones encouraging you and lifting you up. Giving you hope, pushing you to carry on knowing that they understand you and believe that what you are doing is indeed worth the fight.

And sadder still when these people of the same faith feeds on you that they become Pharisees themselves and forgetting the essence of the church - the body of Christ. Let's pray that God will deal us according to His will that His name will be glorified in the end and we are humbled.

August Rush

2009-12-29T10:55:00.001+08:00

It’s a wonder what music can bring

To a once unbroken heart

Finding what was lost

A promise that will never part

Just listen to its rhythm

Vibrating a dynamic sound

Brings every parted soul

To their love that was once were found

Strum that guitar strings

Bring me closer to the heart of sound

The beauty of the violin

Is where your love abounds

Hear those angelic voices

A sweet emotion of the lyre

It creates a bond of mystery

Which I so long after desire

Come meet me at the park

No more words just hush

My music brought you close to me

And my name is August Rush.

Five Hundred Days of Summer

2009-12-29T10:53:00.001+08:00

I believe there is a soul

In every parched paper sold

Curved in every written words

Are memories of the old

Everyday is always summer

I’ve tasted its sweetest wine

Saffron, silken velvet

In your lushness I have dined

Your sun, it blinded me

As we are seated in the park

But you’re something I couldn’t touch

Or you’ll burn me with a single spark

This parched paper that was old

Reminds me of what was you

And in every curved words

Pierces my heart as I view

Five hundred days of summer

And all of blinded me

I wished I could have turned my back

And find Autumn waiting for me.

Ode to the Fireflies

2009-12-27T19:06:00.002+08:00

Your light shines in the dark of the night

Like tiny lighted windows in the midnight skies

Flickering, shimmering and never ceasing

You graced the darkness that hides the gloom

As my misty eyes caught you in sight

Shining, twinkling and never leaving

I gaze in awe as you flew to the moon

Forgetting the pain, I’ve learned so soon

Like a spray of moonbeam, overflowing

I’m glad the heavens made you alive

A shower of hope in a teary eye

Washing, clearing, always refreshing

So now I come night after night

To play with you under the moonshine

Again and again ‘til I lose track of time.

Bad Romance

2009-12-25T11:47:00.003+08:00

The visions surrounding

Illusions of time

Cast a mist of confusion

In this heart of mine

Contusions slowly expanding

Darken maps of lie

Valleys deep and wide

Fissures of committed crimes

Truth sweetened lies

Spiced up by pure passion

Covers up the vengeance

Rooted from aggression

Crippling "irresistability"

Devotion and hate collide

A lover’s killing spree

Is what makes everything divine

Bandages of love and lust

Patches what was done

Possession is not obsession

In the bond of bad romance

Phantom

2009-12-25T11:42:00.002+08:00

I wish I was the phantom
Who gives you your desires
Who nurtures you to bloom
In whatever I might.

I wish I am the phantom
Who loves you with all my heart
And guides you in the dark
When clouds cover the moonlight.

Oh but I am a phantom indeed
A vision in the night
Who loves you in the dark
And caresses you with moonlight.

Yes… I am but a phantom
A vision in the dark
Who scares you when I’m in sight
And gives you fear in the coming of night.

And forever I will be
A phantom in the night
Who will forever thrive
In this unrequited love of mine.

I am a phantom, a phantom indeed
A vision in the night
Who scares you in the dark
Who denies you the moonlight.

A Christmas Story

2009-12-22T22:41:00.004+08:00

It was late at night; Johnny was staring at the play of Christmas lights across the street hanging on a tree laid in contrast to the dark cloudy Christmas Eve. His mind wanders at the beauty he sees over the grumpy skies.

“Johnny? What are you doing here? We have been waiting for you. Do you have the medicines?” Mama asked seeing Johnny staring blankly over the window.

“Yes Mama. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come back in time. I was awed at the sight of the Christmas light over the window.” Was Johnny’s reply.

“It’s okay honey. Come now, your Papa needs his medicine.”

They went into a large room with six beds and six side tables of which only three are occupied. Johnny’s Papa lay asleep on the third bed from the door where they are standing. His breathing is supported by oxygen connected to his nose. A nurse was seated beside the bed waiting for the medicines.

“Where is mister Alvarez Mama?” Johnny asked after the nurse had left the room.

“They already checked out honey. The doctor said he can go home and celebrate Christmas with his family.”

“Are we going home too, Mama?”

A tear fall from his mother’s eyes which she right away wiped so that Johnny won’t see it.

‘No. Not yet sweetie, Papa’s not well yet. We will be spending Christmas here together with Mr. Perez and Mr. Cruz. They said their families are coming over and will bring some for all of us. The nurses are staying too making sure your Papa, Mr. Cruz and Mr. Perez is okay.”

“Is Papa going to be okay, Mama?”

‘He will be. He will be, son.” She replied trying to convince herself and her son.

“What did the doctor say ‘bout his illness?”

“Well, -- trying to hold back her tears – the doctor said the he will be leaving us anytime soon. Papa’s not getting better now Johnny and Jesus want him to go home.”

“So we will be going home too, Mama?’

“Yes, sweetie… In our time...”

And so Christmas Eve came to pass. They gleefully celebrated it together with the nurses and three other patients. They shared stories about Christmas and their Christmas experiences. The room was filled with joy and laughter as if there’s nobody sick inside that room. Until they tire and went to sleep. While the spirit of Christmas lingered inside the room.

Johnny was awaken by his mother the next day, sobbing.

“Why are you crying, Mama? Are you hurt?” Johnny asked.

“Papa has gone home honey, and he will be waiting for us there, with Jesus.”

It wasn’t easy for Johnny at first. Losing his father at an early age is quite big for a child like him. He cried and cried until the crying turned into sobbing. ‘til his eyes were dry and no sound can ever come out of his mouth.

“Remember the Christmas light you saw last night?” Mama asked.

“Yes, Mama. Why?” Johnny replied almost like a whisper.

“Well, why do you think it was so beautiful last night? It shined the brightest because the surrounding was dark and stormy. It was the only light of different colors we can see amidst the pitch black surrounding last night. And because of that it even shined brighter. Sometimes we are worried of the storms that come our way that we fail to see the beauty ahead of us. And by doing so, we miss the opportunity to appreciate and savor that moment. Your Papa went into that City of Bright Lights, where everything was nothing but of pure beauty. We will be going there too Johnny, in our time… and Papa will be waiting for us there…

Sleep is Away

2009-12-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

it's almost 12 midnight...
been thinking of Papa lately...
i'm missing him.... so much....

the memories of his few days with us is still vivid...
and it makes me cry...

i wonder what he is doin right now....

Premonition

2009-12-09T14:47:00.002+08:00

it started as

a vision
dreamy images
blurry yet sharp
something I couldn’t grasp
a mystery
more like a dream.
then the sound of a ticking clock awakened me.
I walked.
and talked.
and bang!
here I am in the same situation
which was
in my dream.
was it an optical illusion?
a play in my naive mind?
but it’s real.
it is real.
my dream... realized.
something that I could not fathom
for a long time.
always.
always happening.
more frequent.
now.
and I can’t control it
like sparks of light from a welding machine
scattered
random
indefinite.

The Element

2009-12-08T11:20:00.004+08:00

when fever alights and this dire passion
loses its heat, consumed to ashes
the seething pain burned by flames
is a remnant of the past washed by waters

waters of mire - the blurry visions
seeping in my veins so cold as steel
hardened by time, numbing the brain
even air’s caress I could not feel

yes, this air of hope is there no more
to quench the thirst of this hardened soul
no dew to the earth to loosen its crack
only I am but a prey in the eyes of an owl

this fissured earth no words can heal
no precious gems can it ever share
nor life to give among its valleys and hills
but through the love you willfully spare

it is a wonder what this love can do
to this burnt passion and gasping hope
‘tis like the waters that quench the earth
the thinnest thread that would not choke.

An Award!

2009-12-07T21:00:00.005+08:00

I am glad that somehow I have touched other people’s lives in some way through this blog. And recognizing such, I’m left with nothing but in full gratitude. My Lady C, what more can I say but BIG THANKS! (I made that poem aiming for this award honestly! – hahaha no I’m just kidding, I didn’t know those awards existed until now) and without further adieu, here is what the award is all about:
The Heartfelt Award is awarded to those whose blogs touch your heart upon visiting. I am honored to be keeping a blog which touches people's hearts so much! Thank you, Diana P., for your kind words about me, on your blog! And thank you for thinking about me for this award! I will have to pass this award on to Mike. Mike (as we all know) wrote a poem for me on his blog, which so touched my heart and the hearts of all of my readers who visited that poem, therefore, I think he deserves this award! Congratulations, Mike! :)

On the other hand this award comes with another award which, if chosen, you have to abide. See if your name-link is included hahaha. Here it goes:

Honest Scrap Award This award comes with rules! 1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared! 2. First, the recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows. 3. Second, the recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers. 4. Third, those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given with this award. 5. Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them “The Honest Scrap’ award. Thank you, Crazy Rabbit Lady!!!!For this award!!!!

Now, I’ll start with the BIG TEN (ugh!!! Do I really have to write this? Lol) 1. I’m a chocoholic; 2. I don’t like being in a gathering, it drains me up; 3. I love gothic themes; 4. I have a dear friend – a white mice; hahaha I’m really out of words to say nor secrets to tell… 5. I am poor in grammar; 6. I’m into reggae and latin beats; I’m almost there hahaha… 7. I love tequila; 8. I have a sea lion stuffed toy which I treasure much – I bought it at Ocean Adventure; 9. I’m a anime fanatic and… FINALLY… 10. I am childish.LOL there you go! So I pass the – should I say wet blanket? – lol nah… the FUN to the following people:

Angelo
Jabez
Cecilia
Mamta
Lucia Seifert

Congratulations guys!

Bittersweet

2009-12-03T15:40:00.002+08:00

my prayers leap like a thousand frogs
flooding the heavens of my plea
as time warps like ripples of water
I sat and waited Thy response to me

the sun has risen and have sat low
for a thousand times I don’t know
yet here I am beneath the sky
down on my knees and hands up high

I waited for answers over and over
I’ll cry for it if it need be
my life I know will soon be done
but thy response I cannot see

I know you’ve never answered no
you can tell me wait but please don’t slow
I’ve never been anxious all my life
but waiting is over I had to go

a silken silhouette there I see
over the horizon waiting for me
oh but no, she’s leaving too
tired of waiting for me so

oh dear what’s this that I have done
I had the answer, now she’s gone
oh life when it showers her feat
the Lord has His way to make it bittersweet.

Envious with my Sister!

2009-11-27T23:39:00.008+08:00

Whew! What else can I say but I envy my sister!!! Damn… she’s got a new baby…(not the baby you're thinking of hehehe)… She’s got a new SAMSUNG TL225 Dual View Smart Camera (see picture below) an early Christmas gift from Steve (her boyfriend). He’s a good guy you know, except that he would always wanted me to be jealous of my sister… grrr… you know techi things.. my weakness… now as I look at my Sony T2 Cybershot… sigh… it seems to be obsolete hahaha… but well, I’m happy for my sister… and I can feel and see that Steve loves her much… I pray things may go well with them alongside God’s blessings!

Look at her… isn’t she a beauty? (complete with accessories and all – sigh again)

So to contain myself, I took a picture of me using her camera! lol

Sakura

2009-11-23T00:22:00.005+08:00

it stings like a serpent's poison
creeping through my every veins
tiny volts of lightning weakens
and I am trapped in a devil's snare

where art thou my cherry blossoms?
thy scent so sweet, my throbbing
rescue me and my life is spared
this frail human to you depends

but know I see you crushed, my cherry blossoms
by obelisk's eyes that gives no caution
and yet you diffuses to the air your aroma
a magic deep I could not fathom

your death gives life to this frozen body
shunning the arrows of the devils army
with your beauty crushed a tear I fall
wiped dry by secret bode's call

this winter chill will soon be over
it holds a promise I so long after
a tiny seed will sprout in spring
that puzzles the devil cause it's not his thing.

Ode to the Blue Rose

2009-11-19T16:25:00.002+08:00

Carried by passion to watch and see
Hundreds of beauty but only to thee
Albeit their charisma I could never flee
Rare is your beauty, I could fall on my knees
Instead of digging deeper to the ground
Treasure so priceless in you I have found
Yajna I would offer just to feel her around.

Just as you are an inspiration
Overjoyed I am to read your passion
Yearning to see each beauty in a poem.

Believe it or not, you are such a wonder
Endearing heart you have that goes far yonder
Lightening the load of a broken heart
Leaving no scar that could tore him apart.

Love Haiku

2009-11-19T10:18:00.003+08:00

Unrequited
sadness lurks within
my heart cries when we’re apart
glad in his embrace.

Memory of You
a love lost and found
on pages of paper, parched
down memory lane.

First Kiss
pounding like the drum’s
my heart dances with each smile
brighter than the sun.

Promises
sweet as a honey
I dwell on its aroma
a life bittersweet.

Life and Choices

2009-11-18T22:30:00.003+08:00

The world offers us a lot of options to make our life easy that almost everything becomes instant – lunch on the go, online booking, express lanes, text messaging, etc. As we try to make this world simpler we end up adding to its complexity. Thus with a lot of options that is more consumer centered nowadays, we lose the values and culture – the foundation of every society.

And since the very beginning of time, we are given the will and thus the ability to choose. However, with every choice comes a responsibility for these actions.

How do you asses yourself today? What have you become after all these years? What you are right now is the result of the choices that you have made ever since. Then again, you still have the opportunity, a chance to choose to make it better or to make it worse. The choice is yours.

Whatever choices we make, be ready to face its consequences. We are accountable for our own actions. As for me, I choose to make it even better.

Of Death and Dying

2009-11-16T11:06:00.001+08:00

If I were to be asked one day: “If my time will come,
will I be ready to go and be gone,
from these fleeting world, like a dying sun
no, nothing left but memories forgone?”

This made me think deeper and sad
for I myself don’t know the answer to this one.
I may boldly say: “To heaven I shall land!”
But tears falls slowly for in doubt I am drowned.

I don’t know why I feel so low
when I’m confronted suddenly
with these thoughts I nowhere sought
it’s impact is so huge that I just fell down on my knees
weakened and defenseless, I don’t know where else to heed.

Where does my faith have gone?
What creature have I become?
That I have come to love this world
in exchange to eternity’s bode.

These thoughts stole my sleep
‘til the wee hours I tire and bleed
answers to these questions I cannot seek
hoping tomorrow there’s a promise to keep.

Sa Akon Pagpauli

2009-11-13T19:02:00.003+08:00

Sa akon nga pagtadag sa sining kalibutan
akon nasaksihan tanan nga pagtangis
walay katapusan samtang naga biti
ang dalit sa panit nga puno sang gisi.

Sa diin bala makit-an ining kalipayan
sa sining kalibutan nga puno sang kabudlayan?
Walay padulungan sa kada pagsikway
kun sa akon pagtikang may balakid nga gabantay.

Ini ayhan ang sabat sa tanang pangamuyo?
O wala ko lang gid makit-an ang akon ginatuyo?
Ayhan may adlaw pa nga magabutlak sa silangan
subong nga akon nabal-an, indi na ko madugayan.

Abyan, ayhan sa diin ka sang ako nagahibi
sa kasakit nga nabatyagan samtang gakabuhi?
apang ako nagapasalamat sa imong pag-ulikid
sa akon mga nabayaan samtang ako magapauli.

I Will Boast In The Cross

2009-11-04T11:28:00.004+08:00

what can the ocean deep and blue
boast of its vastness and its hue?
reaching the distance far and wide
nothing but to God went all its pride.

the tallest mountain that touches the sky
running farther and for miles
can't even boast but sing praise
to His Majesty, the one Who makes.

the little flowers dressed so clean
the birds in the field fed by Him
all humbly bow to the one Who is
the Maker of such little things as this.

what can I, a human, then
boast of my strength, wisdom and intelligence
when all I know it came from Him
my BIG God, this talent within.

Epitaph

2009-11-01T11:45:00.002+08:00

I come to visit you today
And lighted a candle for you
And noticed the epitaph
Where your name is curve into
A sudden emotion struck me
Which for long I have subdued
I just couldn’t believe it
That in there was really you.

All the while I thought
You’re still a part of us
That I just miss you
Everytime I go to class
But this epitaph shouts
A tablet of solid truth:
“Here lies the body of a father
Who left a lasting legacy
Grounded from the noble root.”

With this i turned my back
And hold tears from falling
And promised to come back
To where this epitaph is calling.

3 Emotions In A Day

2009-11-01T11:40:00.001+08:00

The Candles
We arrived at Tibiao today at 1 in the afternoon. One thing I like the most everytime I go home to Antique is I get to taste fresh catched fish and other seafoods. So we had a bountiful lunch – I dunno the name of the fish but I did enjoy it – afterwhich my sister and I went to the cemetery and lighted three candles for my Papa, Lola and Tito then we went to the Poblacion and bought some stuffs. It’s nice to see new things even after 10 years since high school.

The Phone Call
When we arrived home I had a nap and was awaken by a phone call from my dear, had a short chat with Tita and she invited me to visit her at Ozamis City on her birthday. I was happy actually since I had a very good conversation with her and I feel I am very welcomed. Can’t wait to go there soon!

The Play
Then my nieces and nephews invited me to swim – our place is a beach front – so I had fun with them playing “IT” as the waves toss us by and by while the sun is setting (this is so NICE!). I took a bath at the faucet near the garden as my nieces and nephews watch me after they had taken their baths. I was in a playful spirit so I sang songs and show them my “muscles” with every pose. They luaghed at me and I laughed at them. I was a great time! This is one of those precious moments I wish I had recorded.

October 31, 2009 8:21 PM

To Antique

2009-10-30T23:35:00.003+08:00

I just finished packing my things for tomorrow’s trip. All of us – my Mom, sister and me – are going home to Antique early mourn to visit Papa’s memorial. He was buried there after he died late February this year since Antique was his birthplace, specifically in Tibiao. Me and my sister is kinda excited since we’ll gonna see the beach again and of course swim. We’ll have tannned to black skin when we come back to Bacolod. Also, I’m expecting to see my high school friends and classmates at the cemetery so this is gonna be fun!

Hoping to get some nice pictures at the beach and well at the cemetery hahaha… with my friends, classmates and relatives.

This means that I'm gonna be away for a while - just for three days - but I'm hopeful that there's gonna be an internet connection there for me not to miss some things on the web. :-)

Have a fun and quality All Saint’s/Souls to everyone. Always remember that: “the best memories are the ones treasured in our hearts for they last a lifetime!”

God bless!

My Lady C

2009-10-26T15:14:00.003+08:00

I can never make a poem
as lovely as it can be
to such a beautiful woman
whose name is Lady C

I long to see the day
to glimpse her skin of porcelain
and feel the softness of
her brown hair on my skin

she is a fan of bags
which no man understands
if only he could grasps
in poetry she would dance

I could never miss to see
the beauty of her face
a day or two or three
everyday is such a blaze

but now I rest my case
these things that I have known
that beauty has a grace
to this lady I do not own.

for my blogger friend: Charity Joy Bell
photo credits: http://charityjoybell.com/

City of Blinding Lights

2009-10-26T11:16:00.001+08:00

Beyond the horizon of endless sight
lies the City of blinding lights
where my dreams and fantasies alight
possible but not by my might

the City where my sorrow fades
to blurry illusions masked by haze
replaced by joy however daze
amassed from musings of each day

miasmatic as it seem to me
lost in wandering I cannot be
for within, the voice of you my Liege
echoes, guiding my every leap

and there I see my dearest Papa
whom I missed and much by Mama
dressed in robe as white as manna
joyfully walking with God’s armada

but when I blink to clearly see
the place was just my room indeed
and the blinding light was but the sun’s
telling me: you have to run.

photo credit: flicker.com

Vengeance

2009-10-22T16:41:00.003+08:00

Beneath this porcelain skin
are veins throbbing
pulsing hard as blood rushes through.
Like flashes of lightning
tearing the midnight sky
into fragments, pieces of a whole.
Our emotions rage
our memories fade
superseded by pictures blotted by the rain
forgotten.

Stillness.
Stillness reigns after
after we have painstakingly captured
each precious moments
that seemed to be endless
but only for a while.
A momentary bliss, so ecstatic
our passion soars to the heights of boundless skies
limitless.
Or we thought so.

Our emotions rage
our memories fades
malevolence surges as we try to escape
each blows of fate we throw
to each other.

Garrisoned by the shadows of the past
shackled by enmity and lust
we devoured each other until
no one stands
no one lasts
but our gasps.

photo credit: DrIvan of Deviantart

Love Pain

2009-10-20T15:58:00.001+08:00

Has love ever be this painful?
I could have written an epic
to which I am the hero
of this love adventure I seek.

Has love ever be this painful?
I could have worn a veil
to hide myself from people
my refuge from the pain.

Has love ever be this painful?
I could have written a song
where the rhythm is slow
and the melody is strong.

Has love ever be this painful?
I could have danced in the rain
soak myself to its chillness
so they won’t see my tears.

Yes, love had been this painful
cause I have written a poem
to which I am uncertain
if ever it will ever sound a gong.

Sober

2009-10-19T13:04:00.004+08:00

tonight I am a sober man
dancing to the music and wine
wishing that I was numbed
amidst these festivities and fun

I let the spirit if Bacchus seep
with every gulp of beer I drink
sending a moment of momentary bliss
to everyone I smile and wink

tonight I lose this game of love
to Aphrodite’s snare and trap
that even Cupid could not stop
me from falling to her jagged lap

and so I plead on Apollo’s lair
to lend me his chariot and take me away
to a place where Persephone arises
from the dark cold place of Hades

tonight I am a sober man
dancing to the music and wine
letting myself flow to festive fun
to where all of this began.

Masskara Fever

2009-10-19T11:22:00.005+08:00

high spirited
we ran to the streets
not wanting to miss
a parade so festive

dancing to the tune
of rhythmic drumbeats
adorned with masks
of glitter and glitz

colorful leotards
hugs a dancer
gracefully swaying
to the sound of thumping

‘Tis the time of the year
of smiles and laughter
of Bacolod’s beauty
and Masskara’s gaiety

come and join us
as we share our smiles
to the world where pain
and sorrow resides

dance to the music
of playing bands
like dancing on your feet
in a sea of sands

let yourself free
and shout it out loud
loose yourself
and join the crowd.

Crossroads

2009-10-16T14:46:00.003+08:00

tears that fell upon this cheek
are emblems of amity for a loss
it doesn't mean that I am weak
but was so sad for what it caused

I was busy to even sleep
but you were never out of my league
I guess time permits this so
that our fondness will ever grow

but things are different the way you speak
for what I see are emotions deep
kept so long that it did leaked
between the lines of the spoken id

I guess that I have traveled far
and you finally choose to be apart
away from my judgment's scar
and love is nothing but a mar

now that crossroads is up ahead
and we each chose our way to head
I hope one day we'll meet in the end
and our broken hearts are mend

before this ends I want you to know
that my love for you still flows
I just want to see the best of you
'coz I know you can be if you choose to.

to my dear friend:
Thank you for the wonderful friendship. Now that we finally chose to part ways, I wish you all the best in every endeavors. Sorry for the things caused by me that marred our friendship... I will be on my own now... this will be long for sure... and I'll be missing you...

With You

2009-10-14T08:48:00.003+08:00

With you I dream of sun and stars
of meadows and colorful butterflies
with you my sun has set to rise
and moon at night when dusk arise

with you I felt my spirit free
buoyant and blithe wherever you may be
for I know my love, your love for me
curved in yours and mine, forever thee

my heart yearns for you everyday
longing for your warm embrace
the night has promises of your grace
with you, a smile is curved upon my face

with you I felt cared and loved
a promise sent from God above
that I can boast and be proud of
to tell the world this precious bode

with you a sober man like me
releases the poet inside of me
giving music to the words I write
and rhythm to the poems I cite

with you, I'm close to eternity
floating in the ether of immortality
my only wish of us my love
is to hold on to our promise of love
till life takes us to another start.

A Twinkle, A Sparkle, A Dazzle, A Glaze

2009-10-13T08:03:00.003+08:00

A speck of light in the midnight sky
sparkling, twinkling up on high
guiding a stranger passing by
to a place seemed nowhere in sight

a tiny speck of light it is
but sailors trust their way on this
a sparkle in the midst of confusion
reflecting hope in a sea of oblivion

tiny though this light maybe
a Master’s hand created thee
carefully scattered up in the sky
lighting up the dark blue night

a twinkle, a sparkle, a dazzle, a glaze
of different colors and hues I gaze
inspires a poet to write, no haste
to capture its beauty and to amaze.

this is in response to Poetry Challenge No. 10 of The Gauntlet at Poetrydances.ning.com

photo credit: apod.nasa.gov

Seasons of Love (Haiku)

2009-10-12T16:21:00.003+08:00

come sing to me love
my heart waits for your return
‘neath the autumn sun

lay me to your lap
your fingers caressing me
wrap me from winter

kiss me to my wake
until my dreams come to life
like a summer’s spree

fill me with your love
promise of eternity
blossom like a spring.

Northern Skies

2009-10-09T19:08:00.001+08:00

clouds of gray fill up the sky
a winter's chill blow by and by
a distant song, a lullaby
fills the air of northern skies

a rhythmic clashing on the roof
a thunder's gong like a thousand hoofs
a distant cry of a timber wolf
reverberated on the mountain's turf

the humming of a lady in white
a sweet siren in the moonlit night
floating in the ether, with light
blinding my vision and my sight

the sweet aroma of ambrosia
a gentle touch of grand Bologna
the lushness of choice magnolia
even the gods would leave Olympia

mountain peaks like diamond tops
sparkle like a crystal sap
beautiful as the rainbow cup
reflected on the rain drops

welcome to the northern skies
where all you see is but a smile
and luster and beauty also thrives
where one dreams and fantasies.

The Glory Departed

2009-10-06T16:27:00.004+08:00

the hustling of leaves brings music to my ears
of dying note and hurdle of fears
as age pass by with every added years
I just looked up to the sky, my eyes in tears

while the sea billows I held fast to the oar
I held it steadfastly ‘til my eyes sore
inside me a feeling of loneliness so cold
that grows even colder with my sodden clothes

as the sun is setting, I fear the coming night
when the wind is chilly and the full moon alight
alive with no feelings to even reach out what’s in sight
afraid to lose from this darkness inside

oh, fill this cup that is half empty
I thirst for more of your eminence and glory
I dare not trust my wisdom and enmity
when the insignia of glory has departed from me

the hustling of leaves brings music to my ears
it carried me through my younger years
and my tears came running down my face
for glory had left me and my race.

*a personal tribute

photo credit: cmalcolmpowers.com

Life

2009-09-28T14:51:00.003+08:00

It’s the sun’s burning light
to the blooming flower
the wind’s uplift might
for the wings to soar higher

a striking sound to a mother’s ears
of a newborn baby’s cry
the drying of a child’s tears
when on something he would pry

It’s the music to a wounded soul
after the midnight sky
the courage to reach the goal
the echo of a victor’s cry

the sweat of an athlete
running with his heartbeat
the breathing of a swimmer
when water is all over

Ah! Life it is
with its beauty in full bloom
makes me forget
that I was once in gloom.

photo credit: McKoolSmith

Love Unrequited

2009-09-27T00:46:00.006+08:00

Is there such words as “moving on” or “getting over with”? Because if there are I want to know the hows of it.

The thing is, people fall in love and when they do, most if not all, give their best for their partner’s satisfaction WHICH is actually missing the whole point because LOVE as we know is unconditional and thus, it doesn’t require anything in other to be satisfied and then call it love. For an affection and fondness for somebody for what he/she is and whoever he or she WAS, IS and WILL BE can never be quantified.

The sad part of LOVE though is when it is unrequited. You have all your emotions, feelings and affection for the person yet all of this means nothing at all to him or her. On the other hand, it is also very hard to reciprocate to something that you really don’t feel reciprocating. If so, it would be a play of truth and pretense on the lover and the one being loved respectively. In the end, we all know it will come to nothing leaving a spark of pain on the lover.

However I see, as in my case, a certain part of it that speaks of genuine affection. If it is TRUE love, we find ourselves loving the person – though unrequited – unconditionally even if it means not sleeping by his or her side or spending precious moments with him or her. I for one, have realized that that person would always remain in my heart no matter what. It doesn’t mean that we have to be married or we should be the one together but there is this certain part of me that I know is willing to welcome whenever things may be.

That is something I am taking into consideration and thus help me move on from day to day. However, people wouldn’t consider it as moving on unless you have totally erased the person out of your system. This can’t truly happen if there is a pure change of heart for both parties to consider.

So as for me: I love even if unrequited I love even if not reciprocated I love even if it’s all pretense for it is love that can only make a change. YOU: how do you deal with it?

photo credit: ni_cole

No More Kisses

2009-09-26T14:24:00.003+08:00

your words are music to my ears
your voice takes away my fears
this part of you I adore
but baby, kiss me no more

my heart has been taken away
that night when you sing with me
“I don’t wanna miss a thing” you tell me
but kiss me no more I plea

the warmth of your skin I miss
the gentle touch of your caress
the smoothness of your kiss to my lips
oh but I want no more of this

I woke up today with a smile on my face
and felt the smoothness of satin and lace
and touch my lips as I remember the morn
when you left me with a kiss at the break of dawn.

Remembering October

2009-09-22T15:47:00.004+08:00

Aside from Panaad Festival in April, the month of October is one of the celebrated month in Bacolod because of its Charter Day and the Masskara Festival. Last year, the festivities left an imprint that makes me somehow miss and hope that this moment would once again come with a twist – to end in the true spirit of Masskara: SMILE.

You enjoyed your glass of wine
while I stared at you from the line
you said hi’s and hello’s
to whom, I do not know

I rushed to catch a glimpse
of your face among the throng
where all I see is a happy face
dancing in the festive song

As the Masskara noises fades
and the crowd of people weakens
I sat still in the corner
hoping you would see me after.

But clearly things have changed
now only the mask remains
of smiles the night had brought
and behind it the sadness wrought

As I welcome the month of October
I would always remember
the days that gave me laughter
when you made me a fighter.

7 Reasons Why I Am Proud To Be A Filipino

2009-09-17T16:19:00.008+08:00

The Philippines has become infamous in the world – from politics to tourism to doing business in the country, not to include the domestic helpers, care givers and all types skills. With this, we are branded as the source of manpower for the rest of the world to the point that other races degrade us to the lowest level. Still, we are able to survive and manage to smile amidst this atrocities. Here are the reasons why amidst all of this, I still am proud to be a Filipino:1. God Given Land
I believe that there is no such coincidence that I am born a Filipino. Everything was according to God’s plan and that he gave the Philippines to us for a reason. That is, to create a change that would eventually serve His purpose for His glory and honor.
2. The beauty of our SMILES!
The Philippines may not be known as the land of smiles, but nowhere in the world can you find a smile as genuine as that of the Filipinos. We smile, even though we face painful challenges that each of us and our race as a whole faces. We are among the top happy countries in the world despite economic downturns and political turmoil. And because of this we are a survivor.

3. Genuine Hospitality
The rest of the world can attest to the genuine hospitality that only Filipinos can offer. Even in our dire situations, we are able to offer the best that we can have, without prejudice to race, sexuality, religion and beliefs and culture. This maybe is one of the reasons why a lot of companies in the world would hire Filipinos especially in the field of human relations.

4. Love and concern for others.
We have been infamous as one of the countries where you can get a mail order bride. But one thing is true, we may be branded as such but the love a Filipino can offer goes beyond money and material things. Nothing can compare to how a Filipino takes care of a person. It just purely comes out of our hearts. As finite as life, so is the Filipino's love for you and the humanity.

5. Strong family ties.
One thing that you can never take away from a Filipino is his concern and love for his family. We reach out to each other not only for survival but to share the blessing each of us have to the rest of the family. So if you marry a Filipino, don’t be surprised when his or her parents are staying with you. That’s how close we are.6. There is beauty in diversity.
We have been colonized by three powerful nations in their respective era - Spain, Japan, United States. This made us Filipinos diverse and thus adaptive to any situations. You will find a mixture of everything in our food, culture and expressions but we live in one spirit – Filipino spirit. Together with the colorful festivities we celebrate the whole year round, the sense of nationalism and patriotism is present.
7. Ingenuity
Filipinos are genius in our own right. We manage to create something useful out of a garbage. The jeepney is our major form of transportation that was invented out of the US army’s truck (jeep). A Filipino invented the flourescent lamp which unfortunately was sold to the Americans who are able to buy a patent for it. We manage to ask a president to step down of his office without violence but only of the power of the people which inspired others to do so in their respective countries. We invented a “tricycle”(pedicab) out of a motorcylce (big bike). And a lot more.

These are but some of the reasons why I am proud to be a Filipino. And these are also some of the reasons why Filipinos are loved by other races despite the negative images that the media all over the world are showing. We may not be perfect, we do admit that we also have our own flaws. The best way to attest these, I would say: “Come to the Philippines and experience what is truly Filipino!”

The Face

2009-09-15T11:21:00.003+08:00

Everyday we wear masks to attuned ourselves with the rest of the world. We do this everyday that we forget our hidden self... thus, when we are alone, we break into pieces, for something that is hidden grows stronger everyday that when it comes out we don’t know how to deal with it... ‘till we are renewed again....

We live in a world
of glory and fame
behind each shadows
of pain and shame

everyday is a mask
that hides the past
of secrets well hidden
with every shadows cast

a happy face from now and then
a sadder face is always but hidden

a billion masks the face
with each take of race
had long been junked and gone
but wait! There’s more to come

some wore a happy face
like that of a billionaire’s gaze
while some a face of gloom
captured in the corner of a dark old room

these faces tells a story
of grandeur, luster and pageantry
I may not know what they were be
but none of them is me.

photo credits: the face - ho young choi

Fragile

2009-09-11T16:28:00.002+08:00

What’s better than to end a day in shame. Like a wounded soldier in front of the Gods of Olympus. I feel awful, like I’m stripped naked in front of so many eyes. Two consecutive days of disgrace. For two days I felt like I’ve lost my honor and medallion. Now, I’m a wounded soldier left to be devoured by wolves. Worst, the devouring seemed to be endless and so is the pain I’m feeling. This is bad. Soon I’ll drift into my own world again. Which I usually do to regain strength. Wish this will be over soon...

Let Me Be

2009-09-10T14:38:00.002+08:00

sing to me your song
whisper it to my ears
wrap your arms around me
and lull me to my dreams

pour your heart out
shed those precious tears
cry it out loud
‘till the golden sun appears

let me be your strength
when everything is fear
your silence in the night
when its noises you hear

let me be your aurora
in the dark northern skies
lets drift from reality
and to our dreams we fly

let me be your warmth
in the cold morning dew
your cashmere, silk or velvet
a comfort you can drew.

let me be your coffin
to hug you when you die
let me be your “I love you”
when everything is “goodbye.”

PS. can't believe i've finished writing these after a few minutes of a rough day.

Rough Day

2009-09-10T14:11:00.001+08:00

I had a talk with my boss... The not so good one. Well, I was evaluated and bummer... you know what I mean... these issues AGAIN??? when will these issues be over? Get over it!

I was just over reacting... I guess... hopefully. My first day in class after a week’s vacation in Baguio. I don’t wanna say something bad... against people... against anybody that can’t edify them... but things aren’t good when IT ISN’T TRUE. Yeah... yeah...yeah... I’M THE LOSER and YOU’RE THE GOOD GUYS... whatever...

I don’t have regrets...grudges nor ill feelings with my BOSS. She’s just doing her job for the good of the school. However there are these BUNCH of CRAPS who got nothing to do but talk about how to RUIN other people’s life INCLUDING me.

What ya gotta do is TALK to ME man! Personally. Not going into vines. But well that’s how these craps lives. They find JOY in others...RUINING OTHERS...

And it hurts. Hurts me much. You know... when you get to hear comments of close FRIENDS from OTHERS? Crap!!!

I’m fine. Just letting these things out of my system so I could stay grounded. I just need a BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE!... that would be later... that means missing the gym.

A DIDO or IMOGEN HEAP would calm me down... better yet... BON JOVI!

PS. Sorry for my language... I just need a release...

NLTSGO 2009 Quotable Qoutes

2009-09-08T22:32:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day of National Leadership Training for Student Government Officers and we’ll be going home in a few hours from now taking the 1:10 AM bus to Manila and 6:50 PM flight to Bacolod. We had a rich experience so far from the training except that its not that effective due to the huge student population who attended the said training. During the course of the training, I learned a lot from the kids, aside from bonding moments, there are some in between stuffs that make us enjoy each others company. Here are some few “quotable quotes” from my students that makes me smile and laugh – in a good way – whenever I remember them:

Ralph the Phlegmatic-Melancholic Guy
Ano man? Di ko gets? (What? I don’t get it?) – his response after all of us laughed at a joke over a meal.

Sorry guys ha, but I find joy in these things – after seeing a clear running water on a canal.

Ramon the Special Child
Nainit ko ah! (I’m mad!) – he expressionlessly said after his spoon drop in one of our lunch.

Maanu ko man? (What will I do?) – he asks himself, with his head turning from right to left and back while making sounds with his fingers everytime he takes a bath in the morning or whenever he decides on something.

Andrew the Indian Guy
Exchange student? – a teacher asked over lunch.

Kabalo siya mag-Ilonggo? (He speaks Ilonggo?) – a teacher asked after hearing him speak Ilonggo fluently.

Thea.... Yeah!
Marduk!!!

May ari ko di medicine! (I have medicines here!)

Miss boisterous laughter 2009!

Leah the Naive
Har.....har.... – said with a long pause in between after a joke has been said by Ramon.

Ahay ah, tani... (Sigh.. I wish..) – evrytime she finds something she wish she have or could have done.

Me the Observer
laughs every time my kids take on each others jokes... :-)
This is the beauty of being the author... hehehe...

A Moment With a Miss Universe

2009-09-08T00:16:00.002+08:00

I was awed when she came out of the stage after she was introduced as our speaker. Tall, slender and morena. She wears nothing but the thinnest make-up, a wrist watch and a simple little earings. Very simple, yet she carries with her the elegance she always has. An epitome of a Filipina. She is more beautiful in person than on TV. I can’t help but remember when she was a crowd’s favorite and the judges as well when she almost had the crown during the Miss Universe 1999 at Trinidad and Tobago. No wonder she made it and landed first runner-up making the whole Philippines proud.

I was privileged to see her in person and listen to her talk being our speaker early this afternoon. she captured me like how she captured the world back in 1999. Miss Miriam Qiuambao had gone too far from a beauty queen to a TV host to a Real Estate developer. By sharing a part of her life to us from childhood to present, I am blessed. Indeed, an image of a true Filipina and a moment with a Miss Universe.

photos taken from: flickr and Ms. Miriam Qiuambao's blog.

Baguio for a Week

2009-09-03T13:10:00.002+08:00

I’ll be on my way to Baguio a few hours from now... I’m inspired to write a poem but can’t seem to... I’m just overwhelmed by what I’m feeling. Am always excited to travel but this time, I’m not...even when I’m packing my things last night, I’d rather enjoy the PSP than pack my things...it’ll only be for a week but I wish I could just stay here in Bacolod. I don’t know exactly what bothers me... everything is fine – the place, the people, the trip – but there’s something holding me back. Wish I can get over with this when I arrive to Baguio tomorrow morning...

The Magallon Experience

2009-09-03T11:11:00.003+08:00

the king of the world
the lost in transition
the road to perdition
the very long weekend
...
the magallon experience

Be Mine My Love, Be Mine

2009-09-01T16:55:00.003+08:00

the long walks
and sensible talks
your sweet smile
with every hi’s and goodbye’s
these are some simple things
that makes me pause and smile

every move you make
sends rhythm to my bone
every words you speak
is a music to my soul

when I catches your stare
at my every unguarded moments
when you lay on my shoulders
every time you drift away
these are some small things
that makes me want you everyday

the joys you send
when you sing with me
is a bliss that mends
my longings with thee

be mine, my love, be mine
for time is finite that ends these all
when this heart of mine, still afraid to lose
this beauty of thine, forever I adore

these are some things
that makes me each day
to live and die
‘till I will and may.

The Lady in the Curb

2009-08-26T22:47:00.003+08:00

you stand frailly on the curb
hidden in the shadows
of towering blocks and structures
shunning the light of the moon

hurriedly I pass by
not noticing you reaching
‘til I turned my back
and saw you plead

you started to speak
which broke my heart in two
genuinely you ask me
of a few graces I could spare

a tinkle of a coin
a show of compassion
a heart to reach out
a love to give out

slowly you walked away
counting the coins I gave
your umbrella supporting your weight,
between the streetlights rays

slowly I walked away
torn
burdened
wondering how this human frailties
keep happening everyday

to this I said a little prayer
to the God of all graces and compassion
always to remember this moment, this day
and the lady I met in the curb.

One of those Moments

2009-08-26T22:44:00.000+08:00

Today is quiet an extraordinary day for me. I guess I’ve lost the opportunity of sharing the love of God to others. My friend and I were on our way home from SM after buying some personal and home stuffs when we meet a lady in her fifties or sixties around the curb. We were walking quiet fast that I wasn’t able to recognize what the old lady were saying. When I turn back, her eyes were on me and, call me melodramatic but it just tore my heart. So, I hurried back to her. At first I wasn’t able to hear what she says because her voice was so soft. She was asking for some pesos for her to go home. She wasn’t one of those filthy guys roaming around the city streets asking passerby some pennies to supply their fleshly desires. What I saw was an old lady cleanly dressed asking for some small peso for her to able to go home. I pulled out my purse from my pocket and gave her four 5-peso coins and told her to go home already coz it’s late already. She was so obedient, so genuine that it even made me feel so concerned about her. When I asked her why she’s still in the city at that time, she said she was roaming around the city looking for some customers who wanted to cut their hair but she had none the whole time she was in the city. It felt awful for me, I was so sorry for her that I didn’t even noticed that my tears fall. When I looked back I saw here walked very slow using her umbrella to support her counting the coins I have given her. It was moment of deciding between going back to her and offer her a dinner (bet she was hungry the whole day looking for customers). But I walked right to where the jeepneies are and headed home. I had a heavy heart. A burden, till now while I’m documenting this event. So, while I was on the jeep, a said a little prayer to God to take good care of her and bring her home safely. However, despite all this, I still feel bad because I could have done the best I could have on showing the love of Christ, but I failed. I guess I failed.

I realized why I felt that way, I don’t wanna see my mother on that situation one day begging other people for some graces because her son is so irresponsible to gratefully return what her mother had done for her. And I pray to God that this won’t happen. I wish I could bring the old lady home and give her a hearty meal...

Cheers to the Day

2009-08-13T09:51:00.003+08:00

Cheers to the night when i was with you
When everything else are too good to be true
When the night is long just lying beside you
While i sing you to sleep, my love, my beau.

Cheers to the day while I walk with you
Just holding your hands as the sun sets in view
With sand under our feet and bottle of champagne in one hand
A moment so sweet, nothing else I could demand.

Cheers to this day, when I go blue
When I'm holding nothing but memories of you
When my eyes are dry for missing you
And knowing that there's nothing else I could do.

Cheers to the night when I was with you
When everything else are too good to be true
Cheers to the day, while I walk with you
'til the sun sets again and I go blue.

Longings of a Tortured Soul

2009-08-13T09:38:00.004+08:00

The night cries, pouring down tears
to the one abandoned
Sharing the burden too heavy to bear
weightless as it seemed.

The smiles and the laughter
Hides the agony and pain
As time goes yonder
Grows heavy as it gains.

The bed cushions the fragile skin
of a forlorn figure
Darkness basks his beauty within
no light could endure.

When daylight turns to dusk
The nocturne dance, and sing, and grin
But the dawn puts on the mask
And the masquerade begins.

Oh what glory is this when you are torn?
What grace is there yet to be born?
For darkness fades when light shines
And light is shun when darkness reigns.

The glamor that this face received
The trophies that this wisdom achieved
Makes no use to a tortured soul
When all there is have been unfold.

Long Way Home

2009-08-12T13:02:00.000+08:00

Things aren’t good for me lately. Though I enjoyed most of it, some are worth remembering with a grudge and some are just happiness to be forgotten.

I was in a hurry last Saturday trying to catchup the last ferry trip to Bacolod after school because my class ended later than it should be. Fortunately, I was able to grab a good seat and slept all the way to Bacolod. I wasn’t on my right mind when I arrived, though nothing serious to think about (or big problems). So I took a tricycle from port to plaza and rode a jeepney going to shopping, out of my route. (That’s a 90-degree angle to the right of where I should be going.) Arriving at the South Bus Terminal, I climb up the bus heading for Kabankalan (that’s an almost two-hour drive south of Bacolod). The bus was very crowded as it is the 2nd to the last trip, 7:20 PM, and everybody is trying to squeeze in just to be home. I was in the corner of the bus with nothing in my mind, no plans of an exact place to go nor any place to stay. I just felt like I wanna be away for a while. Neither sleepy nor interested at the sight of the countryside, I took my ipod out and listened to music.

The night seems to fade,
But the moonlight lingers on
There are wonders for everyone
The stars shine so bright,
But they`re fading after dawn
There is magic in kingston town

Oh kingston town,
The place I long to be
If I had the whole world
I would give it away
Just to see, the girls at play...

This made me feel relaxed and I did to close my eyes and just to savour the sweet sound of music. Some good memories flashed back and made me smile. (How I wish I was back to the days when I was young and free – high school days! Missing it a lot!). Then another UB40 song played and it carried me away – it just felt good.

I got down the town of Binalbagan, went into one of the bars their, it was a cozy place made of bamboo and hardwood... drank beer, listen to music, watch the full moon over the clear night sky. I let the night passed and early morning I went to the bus terminal and too the 5 am trip back to Bacolod. It was nice and it made me fine.

While I am writing these, I got pissed off by a colleague of mine. Why? Coz her jokes are not jokes at all. I wasn’t hurt by the joke but by the way she delivers it. It makes people look at as a tactless person. So I got out of the office and proceeded to mine.

Now my line of thinking is blurred.

The Abiding Word

2009-06-11T13:59:00.002+08:00

If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. - John 15:7 (KJV)

Many of us have been wondering how come our prayers are not answered while the prayer of others are. We have walked the mile and stumbled in most of our steps while others do not. How come other people’s lives are so blessed and mine is not.

If we look back and try to reflect on our daily walk, we see the difference as to why other people’s prayer are full of aroma that it pleases the Father thereby granting their prayers. And we see in ourselves that what is lacking is the abiding Word. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that “ ...without faith it is impossible to please God...”. The word is very important. It is a defining factor that separates us believers from non believers. Can we pray for faith then? we may ask. The answer is a BIG no. Faith cannot be asked from God but “faith comes by hearing, and by hearing the word of God.” (Romans 10:17) Faith therefore cannot be taken out of anything but by hearing and not seeing the word of God. Having set that a prayer is answered when we have faith and we have faith by hearing the word of God, how do we start? John 15:7 teaches us that we can ask whatever we wish and it will be given us if we abide in the word and that the word abide in us. Can we ask then for whatever we want even things that doesn’t glorify God? We will answer this question as we try to understand each phrase in verse 7.

If ye abide in me
The Bible is clear when Jesus said in verse 7 of John 15 that whatever we ask, it will be given to us but we have to understand that there is a premise, a condition, that we abide in Him, and that the word abides in us. It is a stage by stage process of which there is no acceleration. Everything can be unto us only if we first abide in the word and the word abides in us. How do we abide then?
1. Meditate on it day and night - Joshua 1:8
Even in our busy schedule, we should take the opportunity to study and meditate on the word of God during our free time rather than using it for some worthless conversation which do not edify our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
2. Keep in our hearts - 1 John 2:24
Some would ask why keep in our hearts and not in our mind when Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things”? It is clear to us that the Bible never contradicts the truth that it says. You see, when we know the word only in mind, there is a tendency that we logically find some reasons or flaws which leads us to question the very identity of God and eventually lose our faith. We become Pharisees and Sadducees: self-righteous, knowledgeable of the Law yet fail to live it. However, if we keep it in our hearts, it is more alive. It speaks to us. How is it possible? We refer to the second phrase.

And my words abide in you
The word of God is alive before and even today. It speaks to us. When we keep his words in our heart and it becomes abundant; our actions, lifestyles, desires and even the words we speak are changed. When we asked previously why keep it in our hearts knowing that it is deceitful, I believe that our heart’s desires are changed in accordance to what God desires for us. Thus, our whole being is directed by God. When the word is abiding in us, we live in Christ likeness. We forget our earthly body including its earthly desires. We are sanctified and everything in us desires only to please and glorify our Father. The word causes us to speak in faith. It is our power to overcome all the taunting of the enemy (Ecclesiastes 8:4), it is the truth that sets us free from bondage (Psalms 33:4), it is our righteousness the teaches us what is right and wrong (Romans 10:4-5), it is our Lamp and Light that guides us each day (Proverbs 6:23), it is our hope for things to come (Psalms 130:5) and most of all, it is our life (John 6:63).

Ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
By the power of the word that is abiding in us, we may approach the throne of God and ask whatever we may wish “by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving we let it made known to God” (Philippians 4:6) This is all to bless us and for the glory of God.

We will see that our lives will be transformed. Blessed, in peace and contented in Christ. We get to answer why our prayers before are not answered as compared to when we have the word that is abiding in us. Therefore, when we abide in Christ and his words abides in us, whatever we asks are in accordance to His desires which eventually He would grant us.

May God grant us the desires of our hearts according to His riches in Christ Jesus!

In The Calmness Of The Night

2009-05-12T07:45:00.004+08:00

As I walk along the corridor
In the calmness of the night
Where lamps are equally scattered
To lit the hall but bright

There lies wooden cabinets
And debris of what was left
I can hear the sound of hammer
A rhythm familiar to self

I can hear the sound of chainsaw
As its blades cuts through the wood
I can hear the tinkling of the nails
As it drops from your hand

I can hear your crisp laughter
I can see your loving smile
I can hear your voice, talking
With peers and fellow, working

The place is full of your presence
That everywhere I look
I can see and hear you out there
But your hands I can never took

As I walk along the corridor
My tears started to fall
I miss you dad so much
And I can't help but to recall.

A Letter To Laura (part two)

2009-05-05T09:55:00.001+08:00

Dearest Laura,

By the time you read this letter I may have gone so far. I brought you to this place to let you know how much I love you. You see, I placed this letter on my tombstone, but don’t be afraid. I want you to dig it and...

Laura couldn’t finish reading the letter. Hers is a mixed emotion of fear, love and hatred. She was puzzled by the event that happened earlier when Edward was guiding her to this very place. He was so alive and now she is standing in front of his tomb.

“How could this be?” she muzzled as the cool breeze brush her hair and brought chill to her skin. She shivered. She looked around the place. She was alone. Stars are losing its brightness as the night sky approaches dawn. She must have stayed here for quite a long time. Over the horizon, she can see glimpse of sun’s rays.

... get whatever you see inside. Please keep this letter and whatever that’s inside my casket. You must do the digging in secret, otherwise everything will be jeopardized.

Trust me.

Lots of love,
Edward
she continues.

A part of the sun has already appeared on the horizon. She kept the letter. She started moving back to where she passed by the night she was brought in this place by Edward. Her dress is wet with the morning dew and she wrapped her arms around her body. The morning is cold and so is her emotion.

She cleanse and prepared breakfast for herself when she arrived home. Still puzzled, she read the letter again and again trying to find meaning out of what happened that night. To no avail. She went to her room closed the door and devised a plan on what to do if ever she opens Edward’s casket. Now curiosity enveloped her.

“What is it that Edward is trying to conceal to me?”
“What could be inside Edward’s casket?”
“What if it’s Edwards body?”

These and more questions complicated everything she planned. There are a lot of possibilities, but how will she know what she’s going to do with whatever is inside the casket. Then she heard a voice calling her,

“Laura...”

She turned back and there standing in front of her is Edward.

“This is crazy!” she said. “You can’t be real”, she continued. “How did you get in here?”

“I am real Laura, remember when I asked you if you do trust me?”, says Edward.
“Where is that trust?”

“How can I trust you when you’re giving me so much mystery? One moment you’re dead and now you’re alive!”

“Have you seen what’s inside the casket?”

“No.”

“Then why did you think I am dead when it was clear that I’ll be away?”

“Why do you have to be away then?”

No answer. Instead, Edward walked out of the room leaving Laura even more puzzled.

“Edward!” she shouted as she run after him. “How could you be so mean to me? I thought you love me?” She opened the door and suddenly she was falling into the abyss.

Her whole body ached as she tries to get up from the floor where she had fallen. She was dreaming. She was exhausted by last nights events that she had fallen asleep thinking of Edward and the letter. Outside, the birds are singing, the trees sway to the direction of the wind and the sun is half-way towards the west horizon. She fixed her bed and was on her way to the bathroom when she noticed the door was ajar.

“I did close the door went I got in?” assuring herself. Perplexed, she went to investigate before closing it. She walked noiselessly towards the door and glance at the living room below. No one was there. She was taking a look at the kitchen, heart pounding, when something passed by her foot...

To be continued....

A Letter To Laura (part one)

The Giver

2009-05-04T10:16:00.000+08:00

The place is warm.
Candles are lighted.
Music played.

My hands are sweaty from
holding this ring long.

You smiled, sweetly,
and I’m nervous.
My heart is pounding faster,
and faster, and faster
as I waited for the right time
to say to you,
“I’m giving it back.”

On This Wee Hour

2009-05-04T10:01:00.000+08:00

The lights
gives beauty to the dark,
dark and moonless sky,
blinding.

And the streets?
Busy.
Crowded.
Filled with deafening noises.

Across
lay towering heights,
some windows lighted,
and some?
Does it even exist?

While an image,
shadowy image
cast by the light of the room
reflected on the window pane,
staring blankly
on this real-life portrait
from his hotel room
in this wee hour
that seemed to be endless.
Awake.
Alone.
Frozen.

The Pascal Triangle

2009-04-30T22:31:00.003+08:00

I'm currently attending a seminar in Mathematics sponsored by MTG Philippines in cooperation with Chiu Chang Mathematics Foundation, DOST-SEI and Phoenix Publishing House and is participated by colleagues in the academe from Indonesia, Thailand,Malaysia and Philippines. We had a speaker early this morning and we were discussing about Combinatorics, an area of Mathematics that is closely related to Probability and Statistic, and I was surprised when he discussed to us the beauty of the Pascal's Triangle. At first, I just thought that the triangle was only used in Algebra to make expansion of polynomials easily, but lo! There he was, discussing about the number of ways to arrange blah blah... in short, problems on permutation and combination and he used the Pascal triangle. It was an easy job as long as you understand the concept. Not only that, he even introduce different easier ways to solve problems on Conbinatorics. Dr. Andy Liu, a college professor from Canada, was our speaker. A brilliant mind and full of wisdom man. Not only that, Febonacci numbers, Pythagorean theorem, the squares and a lot more can be found on the said triangle. Though I have had an idea about it, but the practice on how to use the said triangle was never realized except today.... I just hope I won't forget everything when I go back.

The best thing I could do is read my notes and put it into practice. Wish I could use these stuffs on my research. hahaha... well, lesson learned: There's more to what I thought was just a triangle!

tomorrow, we will ba talking more about problem solving... more on division algorithm and proving by counter example.... hehehe

Manila

2009-04-29T22:38:00.003+08:00

Amidst the hustle and bustle of life
I paused and stand in the crowded site
Where people's shouts and whispers are mixed
With jeepney's honks in a busy street

I couldn't help but reminisce
A lot of things now I have missed
Of friendships and the way we laughed
Of passions and the way of love

I've left you once because of fear
Now I've come back just to be near
But things are different now I can see
It won't be the same like it used to be

Empty spaces now are filled
Open wounds have long been healed
Stones rises high to the sky
And season changes by and by

I walk along the boulevard
And watch the sun sets while I stand
The only thing left for me to do
Before I leave Manila, my beau.

Between The Lines

2009-04-29T22:22:00.003+08:00

you gently came in
just when I thought I was nothing
when all I want to do is wander
as I watch my world slowly crumble

when I thought I'd be happy
just by being alone
but you proved me wrong
by showing I can be
more than my own

between the lines
can you read me?
between the lines
that's where I'll be

when the world had shut its doors on me
and I lay on the side in misery
you came
you came, and sat beside me
and I'm glad

between the lines
can you read me?
between the lines
that's where I'll be

can you read me?
please do
'coz that's where I will be
between the lines.

The Promise of April

2009-04-27T15:38:00.006+08:00

Now the loss of power to create a thing of beauty is engulfing me. I didn’t realize that a loss of a loved one could paralyze me from doing something that I love to do, the art. I haven’t written something on my blog except just a few minutes ago. But the end of April is a promising week. I started writing but mostly unfinished and I don’t want to publish it.

24th
I was asked to make bookmarks for the faculty dev and “whoala!” I made nice pieces of different designs which my boss liked much. I admit I copied the pics from the web but I think I do have the eyes in appreciating something that is beautiful from what is not. So the credit goes to me and the owner of the pics. (Thank you guys! And please don’t sue me for piracy). I made three batches and here's the first batch:

25th
I woke up late, as usual. Grab my phone and sent a birthday message to my friend. Lunch was great, roasted pepperoni chicken and fruit and vegetable salad. The salad was so good... just homemade though... hahaha... we tried to copy Kenny Rogers’ salad but the dressing... ugh. Then we watched “Slumdog Millionaire” and whew... I enjoyed it a lot. Very nice movie, no wonder it won 9 “golden globe”? And later that night, me and my friends had dinner at Café Uma beside L’Fisher hotel in celebration of Billy’s birthday. So he blew his cake their and the food was really great! I had a “Mixed Platter”, that is grilled chicken, pork and sussage. We planned to have some few drinks but we ran out of budget so we went home right after, which is about 11 o’clock already. Today I am inspired!

I’ll be in Manila on the 28th until 2nd of May. Hopefully, I can visit my cousins again in Antipolo (I had a great time with them the last time I visited them!), then... I’m waiting for a big surprise!!! The promise of April... hahaha... I dunno... it can be good or bad... im crossing my fingers...

The Piscean

2009-04-27T15:04:00.003+08:00

Im’ writing a poem
about you
for you
but I couldn’t finish it

so much thoughts
so much words
so much emotions
and I could not encapsulate it

you are so much to own
yet I don’t want to lose

you’re far but near
you’re this and that
and yes,
the right kind of wrong

histrionic
eccentric
but easy to love
such are the words

now I’m afraid,
afraid of falling
when I know
that you’re something I could not hold on to
no, not even forever.

New Beginnings

2009-04-14T15:16:00.003+08:00

I have not written anything lately. I don't know why, I guess I'm not as inspired as I was before. I feel like if I write something it would be the same old boring rhymes. (which in fact is true for me)

The past month was a busy one and that maybe is the reason why I only have an entry for the month or being busy is my way of trying to get things out of my mind? I really don't know...

But I'm gonna have a fresh start. New look, new beginning. And hopefully, new way of writing. As Winston Churchill says and I quote: "Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning".

There are always things in life that we can never hold on to forever. Mostly, they are passing. They belong to a past that shapes our future. If it didn't happen, if it's the other way around, what would we be now?

If the things in the past bring good memories, be thankful. If not, it is still worth keeping. Our past teaches us what to do presently in order to brighten our future. Seize each moment. Beginnings always come to an end, but in every ending comes a new beginning...

Loneliness

2009-04-13T16:08:00.001+08:00

Like a bolt of lightning that crashes
Like a chain of thunder humming
Your word pierces and smashes
Inside a numbed heart, fumbling.

The dice have been thrown
I’m left on my own
The words have been said
Memories are left to mend.

You said it plainly like it was nothing
I smiled back as if you’re jesting
Then you left,
And inside me sadness slowly crept
What have I done?
Did I do something wrong?
These questions hovered
As I looked for answers.

Now, I’m alone again
trapped in the abyss of my storming emotions
left with questions that seems to have no solutions
which I have to face
on my own.

The dice have been thrown
I’m left on my own
The words have been said
Memories are left to mend.

On My Special Day

2009-03-05T16:16:00.007+08:00

Today is my first birthday I am celebrating without Papa. It's sad for I know ten days after we're going to celebrate his without him. Nevertheless, we will cherish the memories of him and everything about him with hope that we will see each other in heaven soon. I miss Papa so much! :-)

When I entered my office, I was surprised with the graffiti I saw on the whiteboard. These made me smile for thoughts are more precious and cherished. These make me feel loved...
And when I sat on my table... I saw this small note taken from my very own notepad!
Yesterday, my neighbors, the Guidance and the MOCA offices surprised me of a fettuccine as a pre-birthday gift. A friend of mine also gave a gift for shopping but instead I converted it to cash and gave it to my sister as an additional amount for her tuition fee. (this made me feel better than shopping, though I'd like to shop)
These were just a start, later when I go home my mom would serve me her very own valenciana which I love. :-) and later soon my friends and I are going to celebrate still. I don't know what their plans yet but it will be another surprise just like what they did last year.

Then more kisses and greetings from my coteachers who loved me! hehehe

To sum it up, I am blessed! really blessed! And I am thankful to God for people He brought in my life. I missed Papa yet God made this day a meaningful one for me.

To end this, I recorded a video of my students as they entered inside the office singing a birthday song for me. :-)

Thank you Lord for these wonderful blessings!

leighnash.jpg hosted at ImageShack.us

2009-03-03T16:02:00.002+08:00

Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

Thank You

2009-02-28T16:39:00.004+08:00

A thank you note for everyone who in one way or another shared a part of themselves with us!
Thank you very much! You are our source of comfort and strength of whom God is above!

God Bless all of you!

Dance With My Father Again

2009-02-28T13:56:00.004+08:00

sung by Luther Van Dross

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure, I was loved.

If I could get another chance
Another walk another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again.

When i and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me.

If I could steal one final glance,
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Coz I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again.

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my momma cry for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again.

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream...

*for Papa
March 15, 1950 - February 20, 2009

And This Is My Prayer

2009-02-19T16:01:00.002+08:00

Heavenly Father, fountain of grace
I pray to thee, in my father’s place
extend your arms, your loving face
be Thou his guide, ‘til end of his days

Oh Father dear, haven of refuge
be my father’s peace in time of solitude
may You be his strength when times are rude
and carry his burdens that he can’t withstood

My Lord, my God, I come to thee
save my father from Satan’s spree
let Jesus’ blood, who died for me
cleanse his soul and set him free

Oh Lord of Comfort , our sanctuary
be our refuge from this infamy
we have fallen from grace, we cry mercy
we come to Your throne in humility

In Jesus’ name, this I pray
come take my father in the calmness of day
in the tranquility of the night, or as you may
and this I claim from day to day

May Your peace be with us as he goes with You
Surely we rejoice and will not woe
for I know Your plans and You’re faithfulness too
and we know Your grace will see us through

This I pray in Jesus name
this humble petition by faith I claim
glory and honor be to Your name
as I close this prayer with a loud Amen!

Take Flight

2009-02-18T12:34:00.002+08:00

Come into open
be blinded by the sun
leave the winter’s chill
a new day has began

spread your wings, fly
and search all wonders
soar higher to the skies
where beauty lays yonder

be bold, be brave you’re young
in your heart adventure dwells
drive with passion, defy norms
your story is yet to tell

come into the open
see the blinding light
leave the cold winter
‘tis time to take flight.

Memory of an Old Place

2009-02-18T12:28:00.001+08:00

windows open
wall fan is churning
curtains sway
sadness beginning

piled up papers
on the table
phone is not ringing
no tapping on the keyboard
deafening silence

people are smiling
only in pictures
where they’re framed
memoirs of old

pillows in its place
chairs still arranged
dried flowers in the vase
oh, what a cold place

cobwebs of memories
dust in rime
I sit here waiting
‘til the passage of time.

Lately

2009-02-17T09:02:00.003+08:00

It has been a roller coaster ride for me lately. I don’t know if I have been robbed of my emotions by the daily events. My best friends have there on personal matters to attend to.

Aubrey
Aubrey just gave birth to a cute little boy named James Gabriel. While writing this, she may have been out of the hospital already and enjoying God’s precious gift. I wished by the coming of baby James she would be spared of all her family obligations which makes our blood rush to our brain whenever we see each other and talk about family life. She had endured the lashes of her mom’s tongue since our college years. Just think of this, what kind of mother in the world would call her daughter “ingrata”. She is expecting so much of what her daughter can only give. Channeling her frustrations in life to her daughter. She should check her attitude. We don’t raise mother’s anyway. If she could only choose her mother, she would have done it a long time ago. Unfortunately she cannot. We cannot. So she has to makes use what her mother can give her and I hope she would be a better mother for her son. Anyway, Aubrey is a fighter as all of us is. She can make it through rough times.

Angelo
Ha! Forgive me... I know I’ve been harsh on you lately. You needed me to even just listen to you but I shove you away.
We’ll recently found a new job after losing the previous. He has been toying on the idea of finding a new job outside Iloilo. He has a lot of personal issues to manage. I just hope he can find time alone to reflect and make a major decision in life. He has strong beliefs that neither of us could bend but he learns from it anyway. We haven’t had an exchange of messages lately, which saddens me but what else can I do. This would make me take refuge to my own world shunning everything and everybody away. That maybe explains why I’ve been harsh to him. But don’t worry I’ll be the same person as I am as soon as I get out of my cocoon. What can I say, whatever is bothering your mind right now, I hope you’ll find peace and solitude with every major decisions you make. Think of it. A lot. Before making a final resolution. You have your philosophies and beliefs to guide. We can only make suggestions and comments but the choice is yours. Make the best of it.

Me
wish I could say something new. But it’s the same old feeling. Nothing much. Yesterday I’ve seen the person again. The very person that can make my blood rush through my brain and make me blush. We had a short conversation and everything went really fine. Prior to this meeting, I have already made a decision. To move on. So I struggled to control my emotions and thought of things that can occupy my attention. Gladly, I have done it. On the other hand, our house is little hospital, I have to order oxygen daily as my father consumes it 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. In addition, I have to buy his medicines and supplements. This, not counting the daily household expenses. Where do I get the money? God’s grace! God has been so faithful to us. If He could feed the birds in the air and dress the flowers in the field, how much more us? Right now, he is coughing out blood. I don’t know what will happen next. But I probably am numb...

Each of us have our own story to tell. Whatever it is, it part of the Grand Weavers plan. crafting us into a beautiful masterpiece. And I have told a part of mine...

A Letter to Laura (part one)

2009-02-17T07:35:00.008+08:00

She was standing in the courtyard, beside the lamp post which towers like cedars in the forest. Snow falling gently and has accumulated on some parts of the yard making dots of white and gray. She was just standing there, seemingly waiting for someone. She wears a white dress that perfectly fits her, like an angel. She creates a picture of hope in the cold place where snow falls, flames of the lamp post dances as the wind blows while the shadows jump from one place to another. Her eyes brighten as she sees the glow of the headlight of a coming car as it winds up a distant curb. She definitely was expecting someone. Her face reddened as she enthusiastically waits for the car to pull over the roadside near the courtyard. The car passed and was gone as quickly as it had appeared. It did not stop. She slowly sobs then the sobbing broke into silent weeping. She made a wrong decision. And now she’s alone. Then she suddenly heard footsteps behind her, the shoes crashed the snow under it. She paused and listened as the footsteps approaches. Her heart is beating faster that she hears every throb of it. When finally got the courage, she turned back just as she was a meter away from the footsteps. She stood blankly for a while as she tries to make up the face of the person standing just a few inches away from her. Finally she smiled as she recognizes the man.

“I was so afraid because I thought you have forgotten me, Edward!” she exclaimed, hugging the man tightly.

“I could never do that to you Laura. You knew how much you mean to me, right? I’m here now, don’t be afraid.” he says as he warmly hugs Laura.

“I want you to follow me.” Edward said.
“Where?”
“Just please trust me.” He said pulling Laura’s arms. They run along the highway beneath the tall trees, snow falling while the moon slightly lighting their path. She was panting when they arrived at a place while he stares at her as if the run have not affected his circulatory system. He was not grasping for breath. He was just standing and with a serious look on his face.

“Are you okay?” he said.
“I’ll be fine in just a few minutes.” she replied still grasping for breath.
“Do you love me, Laura?”
“Of course I do! Why are you asking me that question?”
“Do you love me?” he repeated.
“Yes, I do!, What’s the matter Edward?”
“I have to show you something.” he said in monotony.
“What is it? Is there something wrong?”
“Follow me.”

They starting walking in an even pace. Edward ahead of her pulling her arms gently as he lead the way. She suddenly felt a sudden chill. Edward’s arms felt so cold like a steel.

“You’re freezing!” she said.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”

Then there was silence. They are probably in a meadow where they used to have time together. The grass was trimmed and covered with snow. Her feet was cold and wet. She was wondering and trying to picture where she is when they suddenly stopped. They were in front of a small house that looked more like a mausoleum than a barn. Inside, a light dimly glows which probably came from a single candle. The place smells like lavender and rose together which is quite strong as the damp air holds it. They were the only souls in the middle of the night and the only sound that she could hear is the beating of her heart. She clasp her hands and put them together close to her body as the gentle breeze blows. She was cold. And the look of the place makes the situation even colder. Then he asked her again:

“Do you really love me, Laura?”
“Yes, I do love you. Why? You’re making me nervous. What’s the matter, Edward?”
“Do you trust me?” he asked, not answering her questions.
“Yes, I do. I wouldn’t have come this far if I don’t trust you!”
“Okay, please do remember that I love you so much, okay?
“Okay.”

Then he grabbed her by the hand and led her into the house. He worked on the knob and the door opened noisily. Streaks of candlelight greeted her eyes as she tries to visualized the place. In front of her was a single burning candle and beside it was a folded piece of paper that has been yellowed by time. She moved forward and got the letter. One side of the letter was scribbled with ink and it says:

To Laura

Who could have left a letter for me here in this place? She inquired to herself.
The letter was still sealed when she opened it. She started reading:

Dearest Laura...

To be continued....